Starts off in some kind of department store, like Debenhams, but worse. I’m with my cousin, and we’re looking for a friend named O. We find him. Suddenly I’m in a house that’s really familiar, which is ONCE AGAIN filled with members of my stupidly extended family (fuck I must really love them). For some reason, from just chillin’ in the house, I am now being chased by a group of people, who are so vivid that I can’t even resemble a single detail about them.

Then the dream tables turn. I am now chasing a little shit who looks so fucking familiar, but I can’t make out who it is. He runs out the back door of the house, onto a kind of NY-style metal fire escape platform, with a long set of stairs to the ground. Dripping in swag, he vaults over the ledge of the platform and drops about 20ft, landing into a perfectly placed skip full of liquid. I run down the stairs like a little pussy and continue the chase, only to somehow pass a bathroom and find O hiding in a shower behind a curtain. I hide with him in the room, but quickly get spotted. Someone grabs my hands from under the curtain and slashes them with a fuck-off-massive knife! With bloody palms, I get dragged out by a guy who looks like Colonel Gaddafi. We now appear to be on a busy high street in some kind of Middle Eastern country.

He takes O and I to his wife, who tells us that we’re going to be executed. I argue, she walks away. Slag. Then suddenly we are both in my 41-year-old cousin’s BMW, being driven through some mountains at night, confused as to which side of the roadwe should be on.

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Seth Rogen pees on girls!

February 6, 2011

For the first time ever, I dreamt that I woke up and wrote down my dreams! Figured it would happen some time, but I had no idea that the dreams to follow would be this AWESOME.

I’m in some kind of technology store, messing around with the iPod docks and Blackberrys. I notice on one of the Blackberrys that my cousin(who is in Australia..) had previously texted someone from that exact handset. In the corner of the technology store, there is shelf of woolen Nike AF1 rip-offs. I show them to my mum. She likes them. I look outside the window, and there’s at least a metre of snow pressed against the glass. I clear snow from around the building and come back inside, only to notice that the building is now my house. My Dad asks about the snow, and I give him a detailed report.

The house is then suddenly full of family members and randoms, and its also no longer my house, but somewhere that still looks weirdly familiar. My brother lights up a fag in front of my dad (something which isn’t a big deal, but would be hilarious in reality). In the living room of the house is a little kid/borderline baby chillin with his mum. The baby holds on to my arm and starts to walk, maybe its first steps ever. Get this. Gradually the kid appears to growing as it walks! He looks at me, wearing a little hat, and asks ‘are we upside down?’. I say no, getting a cheap laugh from those in attendance. I then walk outside of the house, to find my 40-year-old cousin showing off his new remote control car, and he’s genuinely excited. It breaks. He’s depressed.

Then it gets REALLY good. I’m now in a weird scenario, with my friend D. For some weiirrdd reason, the whole situation feels like the movie ‘Paul’ (with Seth Rogen as an alien), and D is most definitely a human version of Paul the alien. So much so that he actually looks a little like Rogen in the dream! We go to some rural field, where theres some hot girls watching a sport of some kind. D starts pissing on them!! Honestly, just straight up pees on the hot girls. They hate it, and I’m crying with laughter.

I love this next one. We’re driving on a highway, somewhere sunny, in a big people carrier. A friend is in the seat next to me, with a camera, and is taking pictures left right and centre. Now here’s the cool part – everything looks slightly blurred and vivid, with the sky bright blue and everything looking awesome. Hard to explain, but the best comparison would be that it looked like those snowboard videos that are actually pretty new but look hella old. Anyway, my vision had an old-tint to it, and it was awesome. My friend takes a picture of me, but then holds the camera right against my face and it starts to shock me, slowly building (kinda felt like when you lick a 9V battery, which is somehow getting stronger…).  As I get shocked, my dream switches to the 3rd person, but instead of seeing myself being shocked, I actually see some country-ass bum reacting to being shocked! So fucking weird.