Guide to Shitting at Reading Festival

It starts out at the Bernabeu. Spurs away at Real in the first leg, and what a game it is. Van der Vaart through on goal, cuts inside and twats one across the keeper into the top corner! 1-0 Tottenham.

Suddenly I’m at my second home, Reading Festival. I’m walking through the campsite with a brilliantly random collection of people who have never been/will never go near Reading. I need to take a shit. This (as anyone who has been will know) is a major problem. The toilets at Reading are probably the worst toilets ever designed by man. So bad that I honestly think shitting your pants would be more enjoyable.

Anyway, back to ze dream. I walk up to the toilets and see a massive queue for the mens, so I run over to the womens where I bump into a hot American-Apparel girl who says I can share a cubicle with her… Before I can even say “fuck it, sure”, she’s gone. I walk around the campsite trying to find her and stumble into some kind of weird wooden shack, full of Chinese people brushing their teeth. I start running, remembering that I need to shit but the inevitable happens. I wake up. And go straight to the toilet!