It starts off in the familiar scenario of the mountains, where I’m on my snowboard, shredding fresh powder left, right and centre. The actual snowboarding was scarily realistic, in the fact that I tried a couple of crappy little jumps with varying success, and then suddenly decided I was ready for the big time, attempting a 360 off a hench kicker. Thankfully I pulled it off (dream win).

Next thing you know, I’m walking around a really crowded area at night, holding a surf board. The place seems really familiar, kind of looks like my student union building. I walk round the back of the union, and there’s a rugby game on, being watched by dozens. Its Ireland vs Russia… I watch for a while then go inside the building where I have a drink with the strangest collection of people, some who have never met each other, and some who I haven’t seen for years. Suddenly, someone who is with us (who I recognize, but don’t know) whips out a can of spray paint and starts spraying a cupboard red. We get kicked out, and I get a life ban. Gutted.

Next, I’m back at the usual place, my parents house. Again, as per usual, loads of family members are over for dinner. I’m with my brother, discussing how awesome my 6-year-old cousin’s collection of Puma trainers is. And my god, it was. I go downstairs and sit down to eat in a strange room of the house, which doesn’t actually exist. Stuck to the ceiling is a GIANT glass bowl. Seriously, this thing is like 5 metres long, and is stuck up there like some kind of decorative piece. I start laughing at it, whilst my mum tries to convince me it’s really stylish. Seriously, a bowl? Come on mum.


I’m on the American football field, for some reason. Probably something to do with my watching of the Superbowl, but more likely because Greg Jennings put the team on his back, doe ( As it gets dark outside, it becomes less clear what I’m actually doing on the pitch. I’m not even sure if there’s a ball involved. Just general running around on a pitch…

I walk off the field, and enter a cabin, which looks more like a house on the inside. My brother is there, and suddenly SO IS A SNAKE! A big fucking snake. My brother shits his little pants, whereas I (for some reason!) attempt to wrestle the snake! I grab it near the head quite successfully, as it squirms around trying to bend its neck backwards. As my hand begins to slip, its head spins round and it is then centimetres away from biting the living fuck out of my hand. I wake up in a sweat. Intense.

As I fall back to sleep, I re-enter the same scenario (yeah, that’s right, awesome dreaming ability), but the cabin is now snake-free, and is also now full of truly random people. Among the crowd is none other than Bobby Baccala, auf the Sopranos! Weirdly, he is holding one of those sticks they use to poke a football pitch and improve drainage. He says out loud “I gotta get back to work” (I imagine this is his pitch-poking duties..). Standing next to him is Rachel from Undeclared. What.the.fuck. Even more brilliant is the fact that I think she is his wife, as she then says “Yep, and I gotta get back into the kitchen”. She then exits the cabin-house, at which point one of the randoms nearby says under the skin of his teeth, “someone lock her in there”. I have never dream-laughed so hard. Classic.

The last thing I remember before waking, is my excitement over the news that Wiz Khalifa would be coming to Cardiff. TAYLOR GANG.


Tron: Heavy Petting Legacy

February 2, 2011

I am in a heated argument with the two idiotic Welshmen about Bebo and Twitter. They put up a stupid argument about how Bebo is ‘the shit’, which I do my best to shoot down. Twitter on the other hand, well, Twitter is awesome. No arguments there. Suddenly i’m in the back of a car, being driven by a guy who (no racism) looks exactly like B.I.G. We arrive at what appears to be a sports hall. Inside, there is a circle of chairs set out. I sit down next to a mildly hot woman, who looks at me and begins to dry-rub my crotch. I then notice that a woman is stood in the middle of the circle, and is now performing a song which sounds completely alien to my ears. Meanwhile, the heavy petting continues. Yes it does.

New scenario. I’m now playing golf in the poaring rain with some non-golfing friends. All of a sudden we are on board a bus, driving through a horrific flood (love the rain connection going on there). Theres panic everywhere, with people abandoning cars, a genuine disaster. I am then behind the wheel of a normal car, and the floods have disappeared. I am now in a Tron-like city. Everything is futuristic, from the cars around me to the buildings towering above. Rising above the rest is one stupidly tall building (think the Burj, but if a 5 year old had designed it).

I’m walking alone through some woods when I spot a lion in the distance. Weirdly, I’m already half expecting to see it there. I run away to an Irish tower (yeah I know, what the hell is an Irish tower). The tower has a set of spiralling stairs. I reach the top of the staircase and suddenly I’m in a kitchen. Whether this kitchen is at the top of the tower is debatable. I look through the kitchen window, and now see a giraffe-type animal. It has a long giraffe-like neck, but is distinctly not a giraffe.

Then I’m playing tennis with my cousin. Tennis.

The Physics Bus

January 29, 2011

I am driving Wells around at night in the Corsa, appearing to have no final destination. We stop at a muddy field and start walking, passing a fire truck which is beached in the mud. Suddenly, I have a remote control car, which I try to drive up this steep hill through the mud, with little success.

Next, I am sitting in the front row of a physics lecture, held by one of my old teachers and some other boffins. They struggle to find an OHP, or any slides. In attendance are some of my old classmates and others I have never met. Sitting next to me is a middle-eastern looking guy playing with his phone. He asks me “Are you the heir to any wealth?”. I say no. He says “Good”, and shows me a video on his phone of two weird guys kissing. Then he quickly loads a loud video on the computer next to him and runs off! Everyone in the lecture looks at me for a split second before I quickly press the shut-down button.

After this, a guy, maybe 80 years old sits down next to me. He mutters something in a Scottish accent. I then look out the window to realise we are actually moving. Therefore the lecture is taking place on some sort of bus (or what has now morphed into a bus). Right in front of me is the car from the image in “Quiet Night In: The legend of Mr Rager”! There are at least 6 people in the car, as the guy in the front driving (the cow…) frantically waves at me.

Finally, I appear to be witnessing (or starring in) a Soprano’s-esque TV show. I watch a couple, consisting of a gypsy husband and his extremely manly wife. They begin to fight, and the wife disappears into another room. All of a sudden, the husband is dead. His body lies on the floor in front of me, and then rapidly rises up towards the ceiling and evaporates into thin air.

Don’t Drink and Dream

January 28, 2011

I am in a big shopping mall (Westfield?) with the Canadians, buying specifically Adidas. Suddenly, we’re in a crowded bar, watching an England game, as my mum struggles to stand in the slowly building moshpit. I am being very vocal and excited about the game, but suddenly I leave mit mein bruder and we are then waiting outside for our ride. From nowhere, my cousin rolls over in a ridiculously colourful kit car, which appears to be made from wood and looks like someone has glued wheels to a canoe. Nobody laughs.

A Mullet and a Prostitute

January 26, 2011

I’m walking through the streets of some old, historic looking town, with an unknown Chinaman and the Singaporean who is now rocking a dirty mullet. We pass a group of prostitutes, and someone suggests we give them a dildo. I then geniously come up with the idea to charge people a fee to watch the hookers put the dildo to use… We enter an old fashioned pub, where two friends join us. As I sit down, I notice a stack of around 10 birthday cards on the table, the top one saying “Happy Birthday Mac-Daddy”. A tray of shots appear, and all of a sudden I’m drinking a small amount of Baileys through a straw.

Next, I am in some sort of school canteen, joining the enormous queue with Wells and a few others. As I reach the front of the queue, the dinnner-lady offers me a plate consisting of bread and what appears to be marmalade. I take the plate, but hand it back to her in disgust. She gets annoyed.

Suddenly, I am snowboarding with the Swan.

Stood at a petrol station, I witness two cars in a drfit battle. The cars then crash into each other, and I cut to a living room somewhere with my 92 year old grandma arguing with me about the accident. Suddenly I’m in a skate shop being indicisive. Next, I am observing some sort of game park creature slide down a steep slope, as I slowly begin to slide. All of a sudden, I am taking pictures from an apartment window with my uncle.

Big night.