Seth Rogen pees on girls!

February 6, 2011

For the first time ever, I dreamt that I woke up and wrote down my dreams! Figured it would happen some time, but I had no idea that the dreams to follow would be this AWESOME.

I’m in some kind of technology store, messing around with the iPod docks and Blackberrys. I notice on one of the Blackberrys that my cousin(who is in Australia..) had previously texted someone from that exact handset. In the corner of the technology store, there is shelf of woolen Nike AF1 rip-offs. I show them to my mum. She likes them. I look outside the window, and there’s at least a metre of snow pressed against the glass. I clear snow from around the building and come back inside, only to notice that the building is now my house. My Dad asks about the snow, and I give him a detailed report.

The house is then suddenly full of family members and randoms, and its also no longer my house, but somewhere that still looks weirdly familiar. My brother lights up a fag in front of my dad (something which isn’t a big deal, but would be hilarious in reality). In the living room of the house is a little kid/borderline baby chillin with his mum. The baby holds on to my arm and starts to walk, maybe its first steps ever. Get this. Gradually the kid appears to growing as it walks! He looks at me, wearing a little hat, and asks ‘are we upside down?’. I say no, getting a cheap laugh from those in attendance. I then walk outside of the house, to find my 40-year-old cousin showing off his new remote control car, and he’s genuinely excited. It breaks. He’s depressed.

Then it gets REALLY good. I’m now in a weird scenario, with my friend D. For some weiirrdd reason, the whole situation feels like the movie ‘Paul’ (with Seth Rogen as an alien), and D is most definitely a human version of Paul the alien. So much so that he actually looks a little like Rogen in the dream! We go to some rural field, where theres some hot girls watching a sport of some kind. D starts pissing on them!! Honestly, just straight up pees on the hot girls. They hate it, and I’m crying with laughter.

I love this next one. We’re driving on a highway, somewhere sunny, in a big people carrier. A friend is in the seat next to me, with a camera, and is taking pictures left right and centre. Now here’s the cool part – everything looks slightly blurred and vivid, with the sky bright blue and everything looking awesome. Hard to explain, but the best comparison would be that it looked like those snowboard videos that are actually pretty new but look hella old. Anyway, my vision had an old-tint to it, and it was awesome. My friend takes a picture of me, but then holds the camera right against my face and it starts to shock me, slowly building (kinda felt like when you lick a 9V battery, which is somehow getting stronger…).  As I get shocked, my dream switches to the 3rd person, but instead of seeing myself being shocked, I actually see some country-ass bum reacting to being shocked! So fucking weird.

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A Chimp at a Lecture?

February 3, 2011

It starts off in some sort of outdoor lecture/seminar scenario. I’m sitting on the grass watching someone give a talk on something that is apparently interesting. In front of me is a guy sitting next to a really big chimpanzee, which is wearing one of those circus hats. Seriously! The man puts his hand up and asks the lecturer a question. The chimp remains.

Next I’m in a bar, with two accountants, talking about women (I know, right!). One of them gets up to get a drink, and on his way back to the table he says something to a girl sitting by herself, kisses her on the cheek and sits back down on our table. This is one of the weirdest guys I know in real life so to see him do that in a dream was AWESOME. The other accountant (equally lame in real life) tells another relatively unbelievable story about the girl he was with the night before. As he tells it, the biggest slut I have ever met walks past the table.

New scenario. This one really is something else. I’m walking through an empty house, with what looks like a laser-pen but is actually a taser. I spot a huge spider across the room. It attempts to run away from my taser-pen but eventually it gets fried. I move to another room, and suddenly shit gets Black Ops! The room is now huge, more like a warehouse, and there’s a guy in the distance hiding behind some wooden boxes. I try to taze him, with little success. Then, annoyingly, the dream moves on…

Now I’m with family friends who I haven’t seen for a long time. We are all watching a TV, with some footage of us on water slides. Next thing you know, I’m actually riding the water slide. And my cousin, who wasn’t watching the TV, is now there with me.

Finally, (eventful night huh), I’m talking to my housemate about getting tickets to go to a club that night. I walk into another room, and realise I’m actually at my parents house. For some reason I have pretty long hair, and spend the next few minutes looking into a mirror, trying to wear my cap in a cool way like those guys who can pull it off wearing it tilted back completely. Lame ending, I know…

Tron: Heavy Petting Legacy

February 2, 2011

I am in a heated argument with the two idiotic Welshmen about Bebo and Twitter. They put up a stupid argument about how Bebo is ‘the shit’, which I do my best to shoot down. Twitter on the other hand, well, Twitter is awesome. No arguments there. Suddenly i’m in the back of a car, being driven by a guy who (no racism) looks exactly like B.I.G. We arrive at what appears to be a sports hall. Inside, there is a circle of chairs set out. I sit down next to a mildly hot woman, who looks at me and begins to dry-rub my crotch. I then notice that a woman is stood in the middle of the circle, and is now performing a song which sounds completely alien to my ears. Meanwhile, the heavy petting continues. Yes it does.

New scenario. I’m now playing golf in the poaring rain with some non-golfing friends. All of a sudden we are on board a bus, driving through a horrific flood (love the rain connection going on there). Theres panic everywhere, with people abandoning cars, a genuine disaster. I am then behind the wheel of a normal car, and the floods have disappeared. I am now in a Tron-like city. Everything is futuristic, from the cars around me to the buildings towering above. Rising above the rest is one stupidly tall building (think the Burj, but if a 5 year old had designed it).

I’m walking alone through some woods when I spot a lion in the distance. Weirdly, I’m already half expecting to see it there. I run away to an Irish tower (yeah I know, what the hell is an Irish tower). The tower has a set of spiralling stairs. I reach the top of the staircase and suddenly I’m in a kitchen. Whether this kitchen is at the top of the tower is debatable. I look through the kitchen window, and now see a giraffe-type animal. It has a long giraffe-like neck, but is distinctly not a giraffe.

Then I’m playing tennis with my cousin. Tennis.

The Physics Bus

January 29, 2011

I am driving Wells around at night in the Corsa, appearing to have no final destination. We stop at a muddy field and start walking, passing a fire truck which is beached in the mud. Suddenly, I have a remote control car, which I try to drive up this steep hill through the mud, with little success.

Next, I am sitting in the front row of a physics lecture, held by one of my old teachers and some other boffins. They struggle to find an OHP, or any slides. In attendance are some of my old classmates and others I have never met. Sitting next to me is a middle-eastern looking guy playing with his phone. He asks me “Are you the heir to any wealth?”. I say no. He says “Good”, and shows me a video on his phone of two weird guys kissing. Then he quickly loads a loud video on the computer next to him and runs off! Everyone in the lecture looks at me for a split second before I quickly press the shut-down button.

After this, a guy, maybe 80 years old sits down next to me. He mutters something in a Scottish accent. I then look out the window to realise we are actually moving. Therefore the lecture is taking place on some sort of bus (or what has now morphed into a bus). Right in front of me is the car from the image in “Quiet Night In: The legend of Mr Rager”! There are at least 6 people in the car, as the guy in the front driving (the cow…) frantically waves at me.

Finally, I appear to be witnessing (or starring in) a Soprano’s-esque TV show. I watch a couple, consisting of a gypsy husband and his extremely manly wife. They begin to fight, and the wife disappears into another room. All of a sudden, the husband is dead. His body lies on the floor in front of me, and then rapidly rises up towards the ceiling and evaporates into thin air.

Don’t Drink and Dream

January 28, 2011

I am in a big shopping mall (Westfield?) with the Canadians, buying specifically Adidas. Suddenly, we’re in a crowded bar, watching an England game, as my mum struggles to stand in the slowly building moshpit. I am being very vocal and excited about the game, but suddenly I leave mit mein bruder and we are then waiting outside for our ride. From nowhere, my cousin rolls over in a ridiculously colourful kit car, which appears to be made from wood and looks like someone has glued wheels to a canoe. Nobody laughs.

A Mullet and a Prostitute

January 26, 2011

I’m walking through the streets of some old, historic looking town, with an unknown Chinaman and the Singaporean who is now rocking a dirty mullet. We pass a group of prostitutes, and someone suggests we give them a dildo. I then geniously come up with the idea to charge people a fee to watch the hookers put the dildo to use… We enter an old fashioned pub, where two friends join us. As I sit down, I notice a stack of around 10 birthday cards on the table, the top one saying “Happy Birthday Mac-Daddy”. A tray of shots appear, and all of a sudden I’m drinking a small amount of Baileys through a straw.

Next, I am in some sort of school canteen, joining the enormous queue with Wells and a few others. As I reach the front of the queue, the dinnner-lady offers me a plate consisting of bread and what appears to be marmalade. I take the plate, but hand it back to her in disgust. She gets annoyed.

Suddenly, I am snowboarding with the Swan.

Stood at a petrol station, I witness two cars in a drfit battle. The cars then crash into each other, and I cut to a living room somewhere with my 92 year old grandma arguing with me about the accident. Suddenly I’m in a skate shop being indicisive. Next, I am observing some sort of game park creature slide down a steep slope, as I slowly begin to slide. All of a sudden, I am taking pictures from an apartment window with my uncle.

Big night.