A Cheetah in Iceland!

April 8, 2011

I’m in what looks like rural Kenya, leaning against a tree whilst watching a possible fight break out between two little shits. The surroundings are actually pretty stunning, with hills rising all around me as the sun sets in the distance (well done to the ‘architect’ of my dream…. LOL I MADE AN INCEPTION JOKE). Just as the two boys are about to fuck each other up, somebody screams and suddenly I look up one of the surrounding hills and spot two cheetahs speeding towards us! Screams ring out everywhere, as people go all Godzilla and run for their little lives. Well,I do aswell.

I dart into a supermarket which has now appeared and run straight to the back and jump on top of an exposed fridge, like those ones in Iceland. Loads of others jump onto the fridge, while dozens of cheetahs pile into the shop. Fucking dozens! Shit is insane; cheetahs are literally leaping towards me while I dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge them.

An opening arises, and I make a break for the exit, running straight past a bunch of cheetahs going H.A.M all over the shop. Weirdly, once I leave the supermarket, I’m now in somebody’s front garden, and the floor is covered in these huge red spider/cockroach-type bugs, which look like they’re climbing out of one of those wormholes from Gears of War.

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It all begins at some kind of weird university sporting event, in an even weirder setting. Impossible to describe this accurately but I’m basically standing on a crowded platform, high up a steep hill, and attached to the platform is a wide track heading straight down the hill. At the top of the track are about 5 or 6 guys sat in wheelchairs, ready to race each other down this death-run! Stupidly, I’ve signed myself up to race next in a pair of roller skates, and for some reason I’m pretty psyched about it. It then starts to rain, and my race is postponed.

Suddenly I’m at the bottom of the hill, playing golf on a course that heads up towards the platform. I tee off, and twat a driver 374 yards straight onto a par 4 green. Then I realise I’m not actually playing golf, but in fact I’m watching a replay on Tiger Woods 2011, on the Xbox, in my living room.

Now I’m back at the top of the platform, and the rain has stopped. I walk across the now deserted platform to find a guy called Danish, who’s shooting a rifle at a set of targets which have appeared, while he smokes a bong. A security guard walks over with a handful of water ballons, and starts launching them off the side of the platform towards the people below.