Nicki Minaj goes H.A.M.

March 16, 2011

It all begins at the standard dream-spot, my parent’s place. But today is no ordinary day. I am posing for a picture, with…Nicki fucking Minaj. Once the picture is taken, I walk out of the house, into a crowded street in the middle of a fictional town. Minaj comes up to me and grabs my hand, while she ducks her head down to avoid being recognized. We walk together towards the car when I notice that there’s shit loads of dodgy looking guys around, all staring at her. She looks up and FREAKS.

Then, I’m in a shopping mall (again?!), mit mein bruder and a random person who looks so damn familiar. We walk into a little clothing shop, and I pick up some Cloud Kicker tees (seriously check these out, so damn good). I hear screaming coming from the mall. We walk out of the shop to see what’s up, only to look up and see a fuck-off-massive beast tearing its way through the mall. Seriously, this thing is like Godzilla, on steroids, with tentacles. I drop the tees and run-Forest-run. Suddenly, the beast is gone…and I bump into an old friend, who has a shaved head, and is now apparently mates with someone he’s never met in real life.

The final chapter is nothing but epic. I’m driving the Corsa, with G riding shotgun. We park up in the woods somewhere, and meet up with the stoner crew, doin’ what they do best. They’re planning to go for a drive, so they walk off towards their ride and disappear into the darkness. We follow them and end up standing around a car, with a shit-load of people watching some fireworks in the distance. They all turn to look at me, and I realise I don’t know these people. I run.

We walk back into the woods, and find the stoners, must be 9 of them, piled into a Rover with smoke pouring from the windows. I dive into the car through an open window, and we set off. As the car pulls away, I notice there are burnt out cars everywhere to be seen, and my car has now disappeared… I panic, but quickly get told to chill. As we drive down the motorway, the sun comes up. At this point, the road cuts through some mountains, and the tarmac turns to some kind of sludgy-shitty substance. The car struggles to make it through, and eventually gets stuck.

Now here’s some crazy shit. The car turns into a huge piece of cloth, which we are all now sitting on… The road is now no longer a road, but a river. So now there’s 10 people floating down a river on a piece of fucking cloth. To make it even better, one of the stoners starts rapping Jay Electronica lyrics! As we float downstream, huge buildings appear, and we eventually float up to a hotel, with a swimming pool at the back. I look at the pool, and consider jumping in. Then the most unbelievable thing of the night happens. I wake up.

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